Couples Therapy on the Phone

December 31, 2009

Dearest Cherubs,

Yesterday was quite a day.  I arrived around 3:15 to babysit and ran into your mom on her way out having dropped you both of at your dad's so I could babysit.  It was the first time I'd seen her since she moved out back in November.  She didn't look happy at first and I thought she was not going to say hello to me but she did and just moved along to the van where Nick was waiting with a friend.  In the meantime, Dylan spotted me from the mudroom window and was making faces back at me.  My arrival was a good distraction for the transition between houses for you guys since you were both so happy to see me and didn't  notice your mom leaving until later when you kept asking "Mama go?"  Your dad looked upset and it turned out they had a fight in the morning about Dan since your dad found out you mom is still calling him.  (he pressed Redial on her phone and his number came up)  So while your dad was trying to tell me a very condensed version of the story, not really feeling like talking about it, he noticed the refrigerator was suddenly not working.  We couldn't figure out what was going on and he had to rush out for his appointment.  So then I noticed the stove wasn't working either so I knew it had to be a fuse.  I brought you both downstairs with me to find the fuse box and tried to figure things out myself while trying to prevent you both from eating cat food and flushing the toilet over and over.  All I achieved was a total blackout in the house so I called Uncle Joe in a panic, thinking we would be without heat and in darkness within a half hour.  Thank god he got the message before he went to his physical therapy appointment and he was there in twenty minutes but discovered he could not fix it either. It was some problem with the electricity voltage so when you dad came home he called an electrician who turned the heat on for us but said the electrical line from the street was not working properly so we had to call the electric company.  Your Uncle Joe went home and your dad had to talk to the therapist on the phone while the three of us watched the guy in the big yellow truck put the ladder up on the deck and climb up to the roof.  It was actually pretty exciting!  Meanwhile your dad was getting advice and encouragement from the couples therapist about the session they just had.  He needs to let her go for now, to let this run its course since she is very confused and does not know what she wants.  No more spending time together like they did at Christmas since that's just making it too easy for her.  I don't know why I'm writing this detail to you but I hope that it will serve some purpose when you are older to understand the history of your parents' difficulties, not something either one of them would likely talk to you about.  Right now your dad is hoping that eventually she will come to love him again the way she used to but this could change over the next few months, too.  He wants nothing more than for all of you to be a family again and he is deeply saddened by what is completely beyond his control.  He is doing his best to be the best dad he can, although last night putting Dylan to bed was the challenge.  I was like the British Nanny coaching him on the side-"Let him cry-give it five minutes" and we'd stand outside the door listening to "Daddy!  Daddy!" and your dad would go back in and put him back in the crib, more crying "Daddy! Daddy!" getting closer to the door and again, plop him back in the bed.  It took about five times, but then suddenly he gave up and not a peep.  How Noah did not wake up I don't know!!!!