The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

August 22, 2009

Dearest Noah and Dylan,

Lots of stuff going on, some good, some bad.  The good I will tell you about first.  The bad will hopefully somehow resolve itself but if not, I will tell you about it since you will be old enough to understand when you read this and hopefully will result in a more positive end result for you both than negative.

Here’s the good:

   I’ve had two great beach days with you this summer!  The first was with your mom at Salisbury Reservation.  She picked me up and you both had the biggest smiles on your face sitting in the car seats.  Your mom laughed at me when I put my beach chair in the car and said I wouldn’t be needing that!  She was right!  There was no sitting around playing with beach toys.  This was each of us watching one of you like a HAWK!  The beach was packed and you both ran around like banshees, visiting people in their chairs, exploring other kids' toys, but not before we had our first encounter with the waves.  Within thirty seconds, Noah got knocked over by the rolling surf and screamed.  You would not venture out there in the water until much later in the afternoon and that was only to go cling to your mother that was holding Dylan in the water.  Most of our time was in the sand.  I took some long video clips of Dylan playing and Noah running and skipping along, happy as could be.  Adorable!!

    The second beach day was on Sunday morning at Plum Island with your dad.  Uncle Joe is not much of a beach guy so he opted out of this excursion.  Nick went but complained non-stop about why we weren’t going to the beach where the waves were.  I had to pull you both down the dirt road near Hiltons in your wagon, then onto the sand. My back paid the price.  Between lifting the two of you and moving stuff around my house. (New room built this summer) my back is one tight knotted muscle.  I keep undoing all the work I’m doing at physical therapy!  Anyway, both of you went in the water but Noah was still apprehensive.  Dylan was totally fearless.  I held him in the current while his legs floated backwards and forwards as I moved him around.  We had to be very careful because even in the shallow water you would trip and fall, lose your balance with the waves.  Once when I was standing in the water with you and Nick, you went all the way under.  I pulled you right up and you didn’t even cry, just blinked several times with a shocked look on your face!  I got a bit spooked because I realized how quick that was and how easily an accident could occur.  Nick wanted to talk a lot and show me things he found like this mussel (he thought it was a clam) but I could not take my eyes off you for long.  Noah and Daddy went for a walk around the bend to look at boats.  We had a fantastic time!

    Today I am meeting your dad at your house to help him pack up the van with you guys and beach stuff for a whole week!  You’ll be staying at Hampton Bach to celebrate your dad’s 4oth and your 2^nd birthday.  How exciting is that?!!?  The party is tomorrow.  Your mom has to work today so I have to help.  Uncle Joe is also working overtime today to test some samples of a controversial medical device.

     Well, here’s the bad news:

Your dad has long been suspicious of your mom’s attraction and friendship to the contractor who put on your front mudroom and the bathroom downstairs.  Your mom insisted nothing has been going on, yet did not deny the friendship.  However, since your mom and dad’s relationship has been very strained, increasingly more so since the last couple of months, this does not help.

    One day, long after construction, your dad came home early and found them both having iced tea in the backyard.  Again, there was insistence on your mom’s part that nothing was going on. But the suspicious continued, especially when one Saturday night she had to work late and told your dad not to go over and visit since she would not be in the office the usual time.  He decided to surprise her later in the evening while I put you guys to bed and bring her a lobster roll.  She was there and he felt better but the plot thickened when he decided to look in to her cell phone records.  Hundred of text messages within a single day even, all to him. (Dan)  Your dad was at work and was a MESS.  I called him for something and he was out having a couple drinks with workmates.  I was surprised since I thought he was making an effort to leave work early.  He then said, you want to know why I’m having a few drinks?  Are you sitting down?  I’m getting a divorce.”  SHIT.  He told me about the cell phone records and had already called a lawyer.  He had a 4:00 appointment the following day.  During that time we were in constant communication and your dad  (through tears and sobs sometimes when I could not even understand him) was open to moving on from this, hoping it might be the catalyst for marriage counseling, we both doubted it was a full blown affair since she was probably too exhausted taking care of the two of you and Nick and your grandfather M-F.  He said that your mom was someone who grew up too fast and has never really had the freedom to do a whole lot, raising Nick since she was a teenager.  And also, being alone with the kids, her mother being out of the picture, it was no wonder she was in a vulnerable state, but the compassion wore off when it was confirmed that it was a romantic affair, your dad had a friend follow both your mom and another private investigator follow Dan.  They met at a local hotel last night.  I don’t know how your dad has kept it together.  The lawyer did tell him that based on the numerous cell phone calls, this was most likely the case, but some guys need to find out for sure.  So, now, Uncle Joe and I are the only ones in the family that know and we must keep up a front so that it is a good beach vacation for the three of you.

    The circumstances absolutely suck but I must keep in mind that your dad still wants this to work out.  It’s what your mom wants that is in question.  Lots and lots of people go through this and the fact that your dad does not have the typical huge male ego that would not allow room for forgiving is a big plus.  On my part, I will do what I can to advocate for the salvation of the marriage, even if it means having to talk with her (once she knows that your dad knows) I’m worried she's too far gone and infatuated with this other guy to see what she once saw in your dad.  We’ll keep our fingers and toes crossed.

Love always,

Auntie Kim

PS Hurricane Bill is skirting the coast as we speak.  Will be BIG WAVES! We’ll have to watch the surfers!! J