Pumpkin Walk in the Neighborhood/ Joint Custody

October 10, 2009

I got distracted and did not finish last entry-probably because my meal showed up!  Now I'm up in our new room with Uncle Joe, Ruby, Jack, Cuddles and Riley, a visiting Jack Russell Terrier.  We spent the afternoon with you guys at your house.  We jumped around in the trampoline for awhile and then you both helped your daddy spread loam in the backyard where the willow tree used to be.  We found a couple of worms and you were very excited. Dylan wanted to smash his with a rock but Uncle Joe managed to stop him in time.  Dylan was very crabby at supper time and did not even want to try my lasagna!!  Nick didn't like it either but Noah ate it right up.  After dinner I took Noah for a walk in the neighborhood to see if we could find pumpkins.  Noah was echoing everything I said- "find pumpkin"  "big pumpkin there" "be careful cars"  We saw some scarecrows, too!

    At this point we don't know what will happen between your mom and dad.  Your dad is very hurt and I think your mom is very confused.  Your dad still is not sure that she ended the relationship with this Dan guy (who for all we know could someday be your step dad) although your dad has called him twice and followed him to Home Depot. So not much to tell you about and not sure how much of this you'd ever want to know but your dad up to this point has been fighting hard to get this guy to back off and win your mom back, but I think he's starting to give up since it doesn't feel like you mom wants to be back with him.  There is not much love or affection coming from her and although she loves you both dearly, and Nick too, I think she has a hard time loving others.  She's been through a lot in her life, a mom very early with Nick, and no chance to really develop as an adult with interest of her own, relying on her husband/boyfriend to make her feel happy, somehow not finding it from within.  The good news it that marriage therapist pointed this out and suggested she find her own individual therapist to find out what it does take to make her happy and work through some of her issues.  She tends to be blaming your dad for her unhappiness but that is irrational.  In the meantime, your dad, certainly not in a good place right now has hired a professional private investigator to follow your mom because that is the only way he can be sure things are over with Mr. Dan.  It's been six weeks of continuous deceptions since he confronted her with the hotel visit.  She's tried to keep the relationship secret from everyone but unbeknown to her, at the time being, we all know!  Even your grandmother knows who she hasn't hardly talked to since you were born.  I'm waiting to see what happens between them because I may retire early if they divorce and your dad needs child care. He wants to fight for full custody but there is no judge that would grant that.  Your mom is a good mother and you should be able to live a good life in a joint custody situation.

    It's very hard though for your dad to even think of you both living with another man, especially this guy Dan and picture him becoming your stepfather.  I think Dan is done-and nothing bat an opportunist and someone who took advantage of your mom who was unfortunately vulnerable.  But time will tell.  I hope you both do not suffer any ill effects from the stress each parent is under making sense of this nightmare.
I love you both,
Auntie Kim